How to live the good life 4 easy secrets backed by research

How to live the good life 4 easy secrets backed by researchHow to live the good life 4 easy secrets backed by researchMuch of being an adult is about controlling your emotions - or even dampening them.But in the end, you want all these adult-y things you do to lead to positive emotions, right? The good life is all abouthow youfeel.Yet feelingsarent very welcomein the workplace and theyre elend taught much in schools. So as adults we get plenty of practicein controlling emotions butlittle info when it comes to boosting them.How do we learn about feeling good and connecting with others? I decided to call a guy who hasthe answersDacher Keltneris a professor of psychology and the director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. Hes an expert on emotions - so much so that Pixar had him help with the development of the filmInside Out. His excellentbook isBorn to Be Good The Science of a Meaningful Life.Dacher has found that much of what makes youfeel goodand improves your relationshipscomes down tosome simple things we all learned as kids. Stupidly simple things. But thats why we forget to do them mora often - theyre just sobasic.But just because theyre simple doesnt mean theyre not powerful. Theyre way powerful. Godzilla-in-a-pissy-mood powerful. And the other benefit to these things being so simple is you have noexcuse not to do them more often, lazybones.Alright, lets get to it. Heres what Dacher says we need to rememberSmileYou have a happiness muscle. No, there isnt a machine for it at the gym, but when you use it, you feel good and your stress levels plummet. Its called the orbicularis oculi. Its the muscle around the eyes that flexes when you give a big, genuine smile.It doesntmakeyou happy, but the more you use it, the happier youll be. (Crows feet later in life are a small price to pay for joy, I promise you.)Some people might be thinkingSo what? Yeah, smiles show happiness. Big deal.Actually, Dacher had a similar ske pticism years ago. He knew smiles were important, but he had no idea justhowimportantRavenna Helson did the longest study of womens lives that there is The Mills Longitudinal Study. They followed 110 women who graduated from Mills College in 1959 and 1960. (In fact, theyrestillfollowing them more than half a century later.)Could the smiles in the womens graduation photos predict anything about their lives decades later? Ravenna was curious to know. Dacher wasnt. It seemed silly to him that one photo of one smile could predict someonesfuture like a crystal ball. But Dacher is a nice guy, so he helped anywayAnd the study would become one of the most important he would ever be involved in. What was the result? Heres DacherThe warmer the womans smile, 20 and 30 years later she was feeling more accomplished in her goals, she was handling stress better, she was getting along better with other people, and she was more happily married.No, dont race to the attic to find your graduation photo . Theres something more important you need to do give yourself more reasons to let out a huge smile each day. Chances are it mightmake your next few decades much better.(To learn the 7-step morning ritual that will keep you happy all day, clickhere.)Are you smiling? Good. Whats the next dead-simple thing you need to do more often?LaughIn hisbook, Dacher cites studies showing laughter improves negotiations, flirting, and relationship conflicts.Are you adding comedy specials to your Netflix queue yet? No? Then I have to bring out the big guns What happens when youdontlaugh?It can end your marriage.FromBorn to Be Good The Science of a Meaningful LifeFor couples who divorced on average 13.9 years after they were married, it was the absence of laughter that predicted the end of their bond. In the early stages of a marriage, anger and contempt are highly toxic. In the later phases of intimate relations, it is the dearth of laughter that leads individuals to part ways.The research shows la ughter does two things it physically calms you and signals playfulness to others. And those thingscan help you get through the most difficult times imaginable. How difficult?Dacher brought people who had recently lost a spouse into his lab and his kollektiv interviewed them. Some subjectslaughed when they told their stories, others didnt. Andwhen the team asked the bereaved more questions, it turned out those giggles signaled much, much more. Heres DacherThelaughers were better able to connect to other people in the process of bereavement. They were forming new social networks and new alliances. The second thing is, they handled stress better. They showed less stress over the next two to four years.Death and bereavement are serious stuff. But serious doesnt mean we shouldnt laugh. Sometimes it means we need to laughmore. Heres DacherWe often think laughter is not that consequential. We tell people not to laugh. Life is serious, but there may be no more serious antidote to living and no greater path to finding wisdom, than laughter.(To learnmore about how you canuse humor toimprove your life, clickhere.)Alright, time toget more interactive. What can you do with others that makes life great? Well, well need to learn about the weirdest study Dacher has ever doneTouchIll let Dacher explain this oneAperson comes to the lab and they stick their arm through this barrier. Another person comes into the lab. We give them a list of emotions and say, Touch that forearm over there and try to communicate these different emotions. That person clasps the arm to communicate gratitude, or they try to prise the person to try to communicate compassion, etc. Then the person who has just been touched on their forearm tries to guesstheemotion.And what happened? After receiving a mere quarter-second touchon the arm people were able to guess the correctemotionseven or eight times better than random chance. Those little touches are like a broadband connection of feelings between you an d others.Now notallemotions are correctly identified byallpeople. And, frankly, this explains a lot about some troubles you mayhave faced. What happened when a woman tried to convey anger when touching a mans arm? And what happened when a man tried to convey sympathy to a woman? UmmmFromBorn to Be Good The Science of a Meaningful LifeThe male participants had no idea what the females were doing, and the males judgment data amounted to a random collection of guesses at what the women were trying to convey. A womans anger does not seem to penetrate the skin of a man. Regrettably, it gets worse. The male participants attempts to communicate sympathy to the females were absolutely unintelligible to the females the males attempts at sympathy fell on deaf skin, so to speak.Okay, so touch communicates feelings, but not perfectly forallfeelings forallpeople. Buttouching is still vital for our relationships with others. To find out why, we need to talk about fighting in basketballDachers a b ig basketball player. He estimates hes played about 4500 games. How many fights has he seen in this game of big men crashing into one another? Zero. Statistically speaking, That level of violence (0) proves pickup basketball to be more peaceful than randomly sampled interactions between marital partners, siblings, family members at Thanksgiving, crowds celebrating their football teams triumph, (and) people parking to go to the theater.How the heck doessuch a physical sport produce so little violence? Because touching promotes cooperation. Actually, it does more than that it produces success.Afterstudying every team in the NBA during the 2008 season DacherfoundThe more the team touched each other, the better they played at the end of the year. It got them a couple of victories. Secondly, the more a player touched his teammates, the better they would play.Want to let others know how youre feeling? Want to be a better team? Touch the people around you.(To learn more about howto use tou ch to improve your life, clickhere.)I know what some people are thinking Smile, laugh, touch. That stuff is obvious. Tell me something I dont already know.I feel like Im being teased. But thats okay. In fact, its perfectTease The One You LoveWere not talking aboutbullyinghere were talking about playful teasing. And you may want to start doing it in your romantic relationship ASAP.Couples that tease each other are happier and stay together longer.FromBorn to Be Good The Science of a Meaningful LifeThe more satisfied couples were more adroit at teasing The playfulness of their fifteen-second teasing, we additionally found, predicted how happy the couples were six months later.In fact, playful teasing is so powerful that its a great ideain the middle of an argument. Heres DacherHappy couples tease a lot when theyre in conflict and they tease in these really goofy, lighthearted ways that say, The fact that you dont do the dishes bothers me, but I still love you. Its not that big a deal we can work this out. They tease in ways that allow them to express issues of conflict, but in a cooperative and pleasant way. It predicted how long theyd stay together.Being 100% sweetall the time isnt the safe bet, its sterile. Dont condemn or criticize, but teasing lightens things up.(To learn the four rituals neuroscience says will make you happy, clickhere.)Sum UpHeres how to live the good life and easily boost the positive emotions in your lifeSmile Flex that happiness muscle. (Feel free to thank me repeatedly over the next three decades.)Laugh How many things preventdivorce and can help you deal with the passing of a loved one?Touch Telling them how you feel need not involvetelling. And youll be a better team.Tease Free your inner snark. A little teasingmakes things fun. And it makes thingslast.Nietzsche once wroteA persons maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play.And what do kids do a lot more often than we adults do? Smile. Laugh. Touch. Tease.Okay, weve learned a lot. Lets round it up and find out what all these things have in commonJoin over 330,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.This article first appeared onBarking Up The Wrong Tree.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from kleine Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people